Beer

I could spend years talking about beer. I mean proper beer- not this fizzy piss that fuels loutish nights out and is drunk by people who think McDonalds is the height of culinary excellence.

It is hard to know where to start, especially when talking to those who are unaccustomed to the varieties of beer. First of all, I suppose I should say something about the different ways they are stored. Keg beer is common to every pub, it's basically an aerosol can. The beer is sterile (which is different to clean and, imho is a bad thing). Cask beer is still growing and developing in flavour as it is being stored.

This will not cover keg anything- that stuff should only be touched if you don't trust the pub or you have no other choice.

Cask beer is temperamental, you need to treat it with respect and care for it to become drinkable. This is something that is not understood by the average lagerboy- Their stella will be factory fresh regardless of where you get it from. Casks need care, so they will only be as good as the landlord.

That said- there are a few types of beer around; Lager, Mild, Porter, Bitter, Stout and Barley Wine.

I cannot emphasis the difference between real Lager and keg lager enough, most real lagers are mildly carbonated at best (due to the brewing process). They also have flavour- since this is not my preferred brew, I can't really say much about them.

Mild, Porter and Stout are all of the same family. The keg version of stout is Guinness. So you can imagine a slightly burnt set of flavours with these drinks. Traditionally they brewed Stout from the first batch, then it was recycled for Porter, then again for Mild. This produced a milder flavour with each batch. Milds tend to come in quite weak, usually 3-4%, they're great little session beers. Porters tend to be in the 4-5% range, not advisable for a proper session and their flavour is strong enough to blot out the subtleties of other beers- if you're at a beer festival, you should save these till last. Stouts are 5+% And very intense in flavour.

Bitters mainly differ from lagers because of their use of hops. They range in colour from straw (usually quite hoppy) to ruby (usually sweeter) Alcohol tends to be in the 4-6% region but can be much higher, where they turn into barley wines.

I think this will do for the moment, since this is supposed to be a beginners guide and will cover terms that I'll be using a lot in the future.